Following The Leader
The images and news articles coming out of Guelph Ontario last week were shocking. Throwing bottles, physical fights, tear gas, swat team. No, this was not some sort of political unrest or protest, this was Homecoming weekend at the University of Guelph.
“It’s just kids blowing off steam, relax, Karen.”
Is it though? If this were an isolated incident, perhaps we'd be inclined to brush it off as a bad night involving a relatively small number of young people.
But I don't think the more interesting question is actually about Homecoming.
I think it's this:
What happens when we give young people adult freedom before they've had enough opportunities to practice the skills required to handle it?
What happens when you raise children who have very little practice with real-world responsibility, competence, limits, contribution and self-regulation—and then suddenly give them adult freedom? That's where the incident at Guelph becomes relevant.
I'm not saying the Homecoming behaviour was caused by screen time, artificial childhood, parenting, or a lack of practical skills. I don't have evidence to make that causal leap. And thousands of young adults were at Homecoming without behaving this way.
But the event does illustrate something I’m already concerned about:
We expect young people to eventually possess capacities that we haven't necessarily given them many opportunities to practice.
Things like:
knowing how to regulate yourself when you're excited
recognizing when something has gone too far
taking responsibility for your effect on other people
respecting property that isn't yours
managing freedom without someone constantly supervising you
contributing to a community rather than simply consuming from it
understanding that actions have consequences
being physically capable and comfortable in the real world
knowing how to handle discomfort, boredom, conflict and frustration
Those aren't academic skills.
They're life skills.
A young adult suddenly placed in an enormous social environment with alcohol, peer pressure, anonymity, excitement and very little immediate adult structure has to draw on whatever internal resources they've developed. And if they were not given the opportunity to develop those internal resources, they are set up for failure.
This is essentially about building those internal resources before adulthood.
Not through lectures and academics but through thousands of tiny experiences throughout childhood that tells them:
I can handle this.
I can figure this out.
I know when to stop.
Other people depend on me.
My actions affect the community.
I can be trusted with freedom.
It’s a systemic problem that has eroded our society for years. Parents who are afraid to hold their kids accountable. Public schools that continuously push children through the curriculum with no accountability for due dates, deadlines or docked grades. And a general decline in what we as a society accept from children as capable.
I babysat for years before I was old enough to be hired at a local fast food restaurant. I was 13 when I started my first “real job”. Today, most employers won’t hire someone under 15/16 years of age and even then, it is difficult to get hired into entry level positions. Those experiences weren't glamorous, but they taught me something.
People were counting on me.
I had responsibilities.
I had to show up.
I had to figure things out.
And if I didn't do my job, there were consequences.
Today, many of those opportunities have disappeared or been pushed much further into adolescence. And I wonder what we're losing by doing that.
It is possible. My son attends Royal Military College. As you can imagine, there is ZERO tolerance for stepping out of line. That condition was known and accepted when they signed their contract to attend. Failing to follow the conduct that is expected would result in expulsion and the end of your military career as you know it. Your whole future wiped clean in a moment.
But that kind of development doesn't begin at university. It doesn't begin when a teenager signs a military contract. It begins when they're little.
It begins when we let a five-year-old struggle with something instead of immediately doing it for them.
When a seven-year-old is responsible for feeding the animal.
When a nine-year-old learns to use a real tool.
When a ten-year-old has a job to do and is expected to actually do it.
When a child makes a mistake and has to help repair it.
When we give children freedom and expect them to use it responsibly.
These moments seem insignificant, but they aren't. They are practice.
Practice for independence.
Practice for responsibility.
Practice for self-regulation.
Practice for adulthood.
I don't think children need a more controlled childhood. I think they need a more real one. A childhood where they are trusted with meaningful responsibility. Where adults don't constantly rescue them from frustration. Where they use their hands. Where they spend time outside. Where they contribute. Where they make things. Where they take reasonable risks. Where they experience the natural consequences of their choices.
Where they slowly learn:
I am capable.
I am responsible.
I can be trusted.
And what I do matters to other people.
Because one day, we're going to hand these children the keys.
Not just to a car.
To a workplace.
To a family.
To a community.
To a society.
We shouldn't wait until then to teach them how to handle the responsibility.
We have their entire childhood to practice.
